Losing Hope

As time passes, we are losing hope that jurors will tell us something that will help Deans case sooner rather than later. It seems that the jurors mainly remember the prosecutions case, not the defendants'. Key facts (for Dean) slipped their mind. Did they really not hear Dean's attorney, Did they already have their minds made up after hearing the prosecution's story, or have they just conveniently forgotten important points (for Dean) to avoid feelings of guilt? I ask myself these questions trying to understand . It is extremely mind boggling to experience first hand the eager jump to punishment that these jurors inflicted on Dean. It tears at my hope for humanity. I take it to the bigger picture of our country. If this is what our country is made up of currently, how are we going to succeed again? Look at what is happening right now... our biggest financial companies are crumbling due to greed, self interest, and total dis-regard for our fellow human being. Where was caution, deliberation, empathy and common sense with these people of AIG, Merrill Lynch etc.?? How can these jurors now judge the corporate giants, when they are guilty of the same type of attitude? I find myself looking at real estate in Victoria, B.C., and then I remember that I cannot leave Dean alone in prison.
Our family has to stay here for him. We have had barriers put in place on us. At times, when I have caught myself having fun or even laughing, I feel guilt that I could have a good time, when Dean does not. I tell myself again that life is to be enjoyed when possible. There are many difficult and sad things that happen in life, so we must grab some happiness when we can.
I enjoyed so much being a mother to my children and staying at home with them. I got involved with all things that they were involved in. I coached, did PTA, volunteered for the Boys and Girls Club with them, and spent my time with them. I was the mom that took all the neighbor kids to the beach during summer break. What happened to Dean when he was 16, should not have happened in our family. My job changed from enjoying my child to now having to out smart him, spy on him and protect him from himself. If that had worked out, it would all have been worth it. The criminal justice system and the jury took that away from me. I failed to save him . Dean failed at convincing a jury of his innocence even though he was not supposed to have to do that.(according to the law). There have been so many lies told by the state, and by the snitches. Lies are all around us, especially in this presidential race. It just makes me feel hopeless sometimes about people. I still pray daily, but not as fervently. We have good grounds for an appeal, but the process will take two to three years. But then, what kind of jury will we get? Will it be more of the same? We know we want an actor for a lawyer next time. We want sarcasm and repeating the same things over and over so it stays in the juries mind, but will we be able to afford such a person. Andrea does federal law and mostly not in the court room, so she cant be the attorney. Is there hope still for Dean's freedom? He is innocent and there are many stories that are true about inmates getting released 10 to 20 years later on new evidence and snitches recanting their lies. Our hope rests on these stories.
If any one wants to read the whole blog, just click on the month on the side column and everything that happened that month in trial will come up. Each side heading has something to offer on Deans story and Deans case. I hope others who have gone through similar experiences find it, and it will help them realize that they are not alone in this bizarre legal system.
I will not write anymore until there is news on an appeal. That could be a year from now. We just do not know. Luckily, Dean adapts to any situation and tries to keep his spirits up and to help those around him. He really should be in the peace corps somewhere.

To Another Anonymous

We got another person trying to comment on the blog. Of course there was no name attached to the writings. It was mostly derogatory with plenty of profanity. We think it might have been from Johnny Roy. If it was, this is for him. Johnny, I doubt that I will ever be able to talk to you but your deal with the prosecution back in 1998 has hurt our entire family beyond repair. It wouldn't have been so bad if you really had told the truth. We understand that the detectives would not get you a deal unless you said what they wanted you to say for their case, but has it really been worth it for your soul? You can get high for the rest of your life trying to escape your conscience, but it won't change a thing. When it finally is your time to enter eternity, deals cannot be made to protect you. You can e-mail us at the address on the blog if you want; no one will see it, because we only put stuff on that people want on. I only pray that one day, you will stop caring about yourself and do the right thing. May be the truth will come out from you at the next trial when Dean gets another chance. If you do not have the guts, then at least write the real truth down and keep it safe somewhere, so that one day it could set Dean free.

Questions

I received a comment on the blog today from someone who seemed confused as to how Dean went so astray. He accuses me of not being a good mother as a possible reason. How does he explain Andrea then? So much does not make sense in this case except to those who have lived it with us. All I can say to this anonymous writer is that if he really wants to know the answers to his questions, he should write Dean and ask him. Ask him what kind of family he had, and what kind of mother and father, and how he got in to gang behavior? He will gladly answer you, because part of his finding himself again, was by asking himself these questions. I know the answers but it would be better coming from him. I am sure it will all be in a book some day. Deans address is on this blog.